


Hope When All Seems Hopeless

by ilovethisship



Series: Tumblr Prompts - Zaven [3]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/M, Unplanned Pregnancy, but best friends are always there for you, does anyone thing i'm ever going to stop calling him zeke? i mean miles is fake, first tag sponsored by me being annoyed, i mean why wouldn't zeke shaw still pop up as a suggestion when i start to type his name, mild angst but like really fluffy angst and then fluff with minor angst, one mention of very minor background bellarke but they're still being stupid and not dating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-15
Updated: 2018-07-15
Packaged: 2019-06-10 23:22:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15302304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ilovethisship/pseuds/ilovethisship
Summary: Raven and Zeke have been ignoring how they feel about each other for such a long time, but one moment of weakness after he comes home from his most recent deployment forces them to figure things out.





	Hope When All Seems Hopeless

**Author's Note:**

> _I need a prompt where Raven finds out she is pregnant with Shaw's baby a few weeks after he came back from war. That would be so fun to read her being out of control and not having a clue if they had safe sex or not. Raven's usually in control of everything but not this time!_ \- for anon on [Tumblr](http://thegriffin-blakefamily.tumblr.com/)!

“Honey, I’m home! And I come bearing ominous gifts!”

“I’m in here!” Raven shouts.

Clarke sticks her head around the bathroom door and her jaw drops. “Oh. My. God.”

“Don’t judge me.”

“If you already bought out the entire store, why did you make me buy you this one?”

“Because,” Raven says, reaching for the bag Clarke is carrying, “that brand is the best and they were out of stock at the CVS around the corner.”

Clarke raises it above her head and takes a step back. “There’s no way you can pee again right now.”

“I can absolutely pee again.”

“You cannot!”

“Yes, I can. I chugged another liter of water while you were on your way home.”

“I think you’ve taken this a little too far.”

“Too far?” Raven glares up at Clarke from her seat on the edge of the tub. “I haven’t taken this far enough. Now hand it over.”

Clarke tucks the bag under her arm. “Is a sixth test _really_ going to help here?”

Raven sighs. Clarke could be right. Well, she probably _is_ right. There are five pregnancy tests lined up in a row along the edge of her sink. When she was at the store, it seemed perfectly logical to buy one of each brand, like it’s an experiment she can approach with the scientific method or something. Each test has provided as equally frustrating an answer as the last. But she’s done her research and the reviews are in. That box underneath Clarke’s arm will tell her all the other tests were wrong and it’ll be okay.

“I don’t care,” she finally says, holding out her hand. “Give me the box.”

Clarke frowns, but complies. “I’ll be right outside.”

As soon as the door shuts, Raven tears into the box. Taking the first test was a little awkward, but after five tests, she’s really mastered this peeing on a stick thing. What she hasn’t mastered, however, is waiting three fucking minutes for the results.

Once she’s done, she sets it on the counter next to the others. She takes a seat on the edge of the tub again, setting her head in her hands while she waits, trying to search for anything else that could be happening. She doesn’t _feel_ different.

One minute.

In fact, she feels totally fine. No nausea, no mood swings, no new parts of her body are consistently sore. Work has been a total nightmare and she’s been avoiding Zeke, so she thought that maybe her period was late because of stress. It’s happened before and will probably happen again.

Two minutes.

Instead of getting up and pacing, she lets herself slide back into the tub, and almost forgets to be careful of her leg. It only hurts a little, but she winces and knocks a shampoo bottle over.

“Is everything okay in there?”

Three minutes.

“I’m fine!” Raven shouts. She pulls a towel off the rack and covers her face. All at once, she’s terrified, but also overwhelmed by how grateful she is for Clarke. There’s no one else in this world that she could have called about this, _would_ have called for this. Anyone else would have started asking the questions that Raven isn’t ready to answer. But Clarke? She’s just waiting to be needed. “Just… come back in here, please.”

The door opens and Raven swears she can _hear_ Clarke smile. “What are you doing?”

“I can’t look. Will you please just hold my hand and look for me?”

“You want me to touch something you peed on?!” Clarke pretends to protest, already crossing the small space. She settles onto the edge and slides her hand into Raven’s and squeezes. “Everything is going to be okay.”

Raven squeezes back. “Yeah, sure. Can you just look for me?”

“I don’t even know which one of these is the new one.”

“The pink one.”

“There are literally four pink ones on the counter, babe,” Clarke says, squeezing her hand again. “What I’m _saying_ is… they all say the same thing.”

Raven is suddenly very happy that she was already laying down, because she would probably faint if she were upright. Even horizontal, it feels like she’s on a roller coaster, which… she can’t fucking ride roller coasters anymore, so it’s some kind of sick joke. This is… it’s ridiculous. It’s _unfair_. They were _safe_. Or, she’s pretty sure they were.

She vaguely registers Clarke saying something and finally sits up, letting the towel fall into her lap. Clarke starts to climb into the tub while Raven pulls her legs into her chest to make room. Kneeling in front of her, Clarke grabs Raven’s face.

“This is a stupid question, but are you okay? You’re kind of pale.”

Raven nods.

“Are you sure?”

Raven shrugs.

“Do you know… who the father is?”

“Yeah.” Raven closes her eyes and leans her head against the wall. “Shit, I need to go talk to him.”

“I mean… you don’t. If you don’t want to. We can take care of this together. Whatever you want to do, I’ll be here.”

“No, I need to talk to him. Can you help me up?”

Clarke chews on her lip as she helps Raven stand. The effort she’s making to _not_ ask more is substantial. It’s another reason she loves Clarke. Even when she _needs_ to know something, she also knows when she shouldn’t push.

She kisses Clarke on the cheek. “I’ll tell you and Bellamy all about it when I get home, okay?”

“I am _not_ going to call Bellamy.”

Raven scoffs. “When you talk to him, tell him I’m fine and to bring… well, not wine. Cookies. Bring me cookies.”

“Good luck, babe.”

* * *

The real problem is that it’s a twenty-minute drive to Zeke’s apartment, because he lives just off base. It gives her too much time to start panicking, so by the time she pulls into the parking lot, she can’t get out of her car.

Things with Zeke have been frustrating and complicated and messy. When they first met, she was immediately attracted to him. He’s cute and charming and funny and smart; literally the perfect guy on paper. But he’s in the Air Force. Sure, he’s home for the next eleven months, but he’s still got another deployment and they agreed… fuck, they _agreed_ that they wouldn’t even consider dating while he was active duty. If these feelings were still there when or if he ever left the service, they could give it a shot.

Of course, this doesn’t stop them from making out at parties when one or both of them had too much to drink. Covertly, of course. In a bathroom or one of their cars. They’re not _animals._ But they weren’t supposed to sleep together or talk about a future together and now…

Fuck. Raven pulls her phone out of her purse with shaking hands, because she’s a coward.

**Raven**  
_12:37 pm_  
Did we use a condom?

**Pilot**  
_12:37 pm_  
Are we talking about this now?

**Raven**  
_12:38 pm_  
Radio silence takes two people.

**Pilot**  
_12:39 pm_  
You left before I woke up.  
I assumed that meant we were avoiding this.  
The way we avoid it every time something happens.

**Raven**  
_12:40 pm_  
I’m not the only one who avoids it.  
We made this decision together.

**Pilot**  
_12:40pm_  
Really, Rae?  
Because last time I checked  
I wasn’t the one with dating apps on my phone  
I think I’ve made my intentions pretty clear

**Raven**  
_12:41pm_  
Wow, are you serious?

**Pilot**  
_12:41pm_  
As a heart attack.

**Raven**  
_12:41pm_  
Can you just answer my fucking question?

**stupid pilot**  
_12:42pm_  
Pretty sure I just did?

**Raven**  
_12:42pm_  
My first question.  
Did we use a condom  
yes or no  
_12:43pm_  
well????????

**stupid pilot**  
_12:44pm_  
Of course we did.  
What the hell is going on?

_Shit._

_Fuck._

Raven’s scared. Her heart hurts, her stomach is still turning, her hands are still shaking. She doesn’t want to tell him and have him hate her. Or worse, feel obligated to be with her. She’s not ready for a kid. She’s turning twenty-six next week. There’s a better position opening up at work in a couple months and she’s a shoe-in for it. She lives in a two-bedroom apartment with her best friend. There’s _no room_ for a baby.

The buzzing in her lap finally snaps her out of her spiral. Her heart swells when she sees a picture the two of them took at Busch Gardens light up her screen, but she ignores his call and checks her missed texts.

**stupid pilot**  
_12:45pm_  
Raven, will you talk to me?  
_12:46pm_  
Are we ignoring each other again?  
Are you okay?

It takes every ounce of courage she has to make herself get out of the car instead of continuing this conversation via text message. The stairs to his floor don’t seem long enough, because she’s suddenly in front of his door. What is she supposed to do? This is the most monumental moment of her life and her arms just hang at her sides like lead. She doesn’t want this to be just her decision, but she still can’t knock on the door.

While she’s debating what the hell she’s supposed to say to him, the door just… opens. He freezes in the door and still, all she can do is stare. Zeke recovers from the shock of finding her right outside his door quickly, though. He’s always been adaptable.

He rushes forward and cups her face with his hands, searching her face for anything. “Hey, are you okay?”

“I don’t know.” She closes her eyes, leaning into one of his hands while he uses the other to tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

“Okay. That’s okay.” His thumb brushes her temple, then her cheek.

Raven opens her eyes and stares into his. Any panic he showed when he first opened the door is gone, replaced by what she sees every time he looks at her: love and regret. She feels so stupid, holding herself back from him for such a long time, but she doesn’t really do spontaneous. Impulsivity always tends to bite her in the ass.

Case in point.

Girl likes boy. Boy likes girl back. Boy has a dangerous job and girl isn’t ready to lose someone again, so they pretend they can just be friends. Boy is deployed for six months. Girl sits at home and watches the news every day. Sometimes he sends lots of emails, sometimes she doesn’t hear from him for weeks. It’s pure torture, so when boy comes home, girl is so relieved that she can’t stop herself from jumping his sexy, sexy bones after his welcome home party. Girl panics a few hours later and leaves in the middle of the night.

And now she’s here.

“We need to talk.” Her voice breaks and he’s pulling her in for a hug before she can start to be embarrassed about it.

It’s easy to just tuck her head into the place where his neck meets his shoulder, to cry on his clean t-shirt, to let him murmur platitudes while he rubs her back, because she’s never felt this way before. She’s never been so simultaneously confident and terrified, because he has every right to freak out, but she doesn’t know what she’s going to do if he does. But she likes the way it feels when he talks. The feeling of his lips brushing against her hair reminds her that he’s solid and here and home.

“Do you want to come in?”

“Yeah.” Raven takes a step back, wiping her eyes. “We should sit.”

She lets him lead her inside with an arm around her shoulders. They sit on the couch and she pulls her leg up under herself so she can face him.

“So.” Zeke mimics Raven’s position. “You’re not okay.”

Raven shrugs. “I’m not sure yet.”

“And this is about….” He gestures between them and Raven nods. “I wasn’t that drunk. We definitely used a condom. Were you… that drunk? Is that why you left? I didn’t think you were that drunk or I never would have—”

“No!” Raven grabs his hand. “I wasn’t _that_ drunk. It was just… it all happened kind of fast and I’m…. Did the condom break?”

The realization hits Zeke all at once. His eyes go wide. He blinks. He pulls his hand back and covers his mouth. “You think—”

“I know.”

“Okay.” He stands up abruptly and takes a lap around the couch before he sits back down. “This is….” He stands back up and rubs his temples and then sits down again. “Okay.”

Raven knows him well enough to know that he’s not mad, so that’s a wave of relief she didn’t expect, like she expected him to blame her or something. She doesn’t know what to say to help him process this, so she just watches him get up again and walk to the kitchen. He comes back and sets a glass of water down in front of her, but then he keeps pacing. It seems like an eternity before he sits down and actually looks at her again.

“What do you want to do?” he asks, grabbing her hand and slipping his fingers through hers. “I’ll follow your lead here.”

“You’ll agree with whatever I decide?”

“Of course.”

“You don’t have any opinion on what I should do?”

Zeke’s brow furrows. “My opinion doesn’t matter.”

Raven squeezes his hand and leans into the back of the couch, holding back a laugh. “But you’re catholic.”

Zeke glares at her. “So? Your mother was catholic.”

“Exactly. I assumed you’d try to convince me to keep it.” It’s the wrong thing to say. She knows it before he takes his hand away.

“I thought you knew me better than that.”

“Zeke, I—” She reaches out for him and he scoots away.

“I’m not going to tell you what to do. It’s your decision.”

“That’s not what I meant.” Raven scoots closer and he scoots away until he hits the arm of the couch. He starts to get up again and she grabs his hand, yanking him back down. “Can you stop moving?!”

His jaw works as he stares straight ahead. But he doesn’t stand. That’s a good first step.

“It was a shitty attempt at a joke. I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, well, I’m a little freaked out right now, so I’m not sure it’s the best time for humor.”

“I think it’s _my_ decision whether or not it’s the best time for humor.” Raven pokes him in the side and leans in front of him so he can see that she’s smiling. “Like now.”

He rolls his eyes and leans back, arms crossed.

“This isn’t just my decision. We both… were….” Raven’s face heats up as she realizes exactly _where_ on the couch they’re sitting. “Right here, I guess?”

Zeke looks down and then at her. His face finally breaks into a smile, fondness radiating off of him in waves. “You wouldn’t know, since you’ve been avoiding me, but I haven’t been able to sit on this couch the last few weeks.”

“I’d burn it, if I were you.”

“Oh, never.” He meets her eyes again and it’s better than that same look he always gives her, because it’s only love. “I’d rather be buried with it.”

Raven can’t stop her smile. He does this, makes her smile so easily, even when it feels like the entire world should be falling down around them.

“You really want my opinion?” She nods and he scoots closer. “Well, I think,” he pauses, toying with her fingers, “that any child of ours would be pretty awesome.”

“Oh really?”

“Oh, yeah.” He grins. “Incredibly smart, hot mom? Equally smart, hot dad? That kid hit the genetic jackpot.” He squeezes her hand, sobering a bit. “But Raven? I know you’ve got plans. And this? This would change everything.”

“And you’re leaving again in eleven months.”

She looks down at their hands, but he brings his up to her chin, tilting her face back up. “It could be my last deployment.”

“Zeke, don’t—”

“Raven, I’ll be here through the whole thing. I’d get to take you shopping and take you to classes. We could find a new place and decorate the baby’s room. I would be there with you the whole time and then I’d hate myself for having to leave for six months. Do you think I could do that again?”

“And what if I say I don’t think we should keep the baby?”

“Then I’ll be here for you through that, too.” He runs his thumb along her cheek. “I care about you so much, Raven. More than anything. You have to know that by now.”

Raven sighs. “Yeah, I do.”

“And you care about me.” Raven raises an eyebrow at him and he shrugs. “I can read you like a book, Reyes.”

“Fine. We care about each other. But we’re not together.”

“We could be. If you want,” he adds quickly. “Only if you want.”

Raven can’t decide if she’s scared. He’s offering a lot and there’s a lot to be scared of, because… she kind of wants everything he talked about. But she’s scared of being a parent. Her own childhood wasn’t exactly stellar. Neither was Zeke’s, so she’s pretty sure the only reason he’s not freaking out more is because he’s trying to allow her to freak out first.

“We have a lot to figure out, don’t we?” she asks.

“We could make a pros and cons list.”

“About the baby or the relationship?”

“Why not both?”

Raven laughs. “Would you really want to tell our kid that we decided its fate on a yellow legal pad?”

“I’d put it in the fucking baby book.” He grabs her hand and kisses the back of it. “Everyone should know where they come from.”

Suddenly, he drops her hand and jumps up, pulling his phone out of his pocket. He aims the camera at the couch without any warning and Raven makes a very narrow escape before the flash goes off. “What are you doing?!”

“Everyone should know where they come from.” He bobs his eyebrows at her. “And since we’ve had sex exactly once, we know exactly where that kid came from.”

“No!” Raven reaches for his phone. He holds it behind his back, gently fighting her off. “No child deserves that.”

“But it’s sacred, Raven. _Amazing_ things happened here.”

She’s about to make another attempt on his phone when she realizes that a similar argument led to the same lack of closeness between them. She flushes thinking about what got them here in the first place. It seems to hit him at about the same time, because there’s a thud behind him and then his arms are around her and he’s _kissing_ her. She really wasn’t that drunk when they hooked up, but she’s always been a little drunk when they’ve made out.

This is so. Much. Better. Sober.

“Wait.” She mumbles against his mouth. “Hold on a sec.”

He pulls back, hands hovering over her, because he’s never wanted to push her farther than she was willing. It’s endearing and annoying in this moment.

“We have a lot of shit to figure out,” she says, setting her hands on his waist.

“I know.” He kisses her nose. “For what it’s worth, you’d be a great mother.”

“How do you know?”

“Because you’re good at literally everything you do.” He kisses her cheek, running his hands from her shoulders to her elbows and back up. He grins again. “I don’t just throw the phrase ‘genetic jackpot’ around lightly, you know.”

Raven’s scoff turns into a sigh when he kisses her behind the ear. “You’re being distracting on purpose.”

“I think _you’re_ being distracting.” He trails kisses down her neck to her shoulder. “But I’ll stop if you want.”

“We do need to figure this out. Logistics. Living arrangements. Other—” She gasps as he sucks lightly on her pulse point. “Other things.”

“So, I should stop.”

“No. You should be freaking out more.”

“I have plenty of time to freak out later.”

Raven considers this. It takes less than three seconds before she kisses him again, because fuck it, he’s right. This isn’t exactly how she thought they’d end up getting together, but here they are. And maybe it’s less scary if they have each other.


End file.
